Being Too Available For Someone (15 Ways To Know When You’re Too Available)

by April Maccario

What does it feel like to be at the center of someone else’s life? To be the only person he sees and to be there for him whenever he calls? Does it sound really good or pretty scary? 

Practicing transparency with someone you’re in a relationship with is good, but what is the difference between being available and being too available? 

When is the moment you have to ask yourself, “Am I too available, or am I just being a good girlfriend?” When you begin to see yourself as too clingy or you’re busy minding his business rather than yours, it’s time to press the brakes.

Of course, it’s not easy to spot the difference between being a dutiful girlfriend or being too available. This article’s tips should help you spot that difference.

15 Ways To Know When You’re Too Available

1. You are always around him

Yes, you’re his girlfriend but both of you still have a separate life to live — you don’t have to do everything together. Even married people have things they don’t do together or activities they don’t participate in at the same time. So, don’t make a mountain out of an anthill.

If you are always at his place or trying to hang out with him every time, it may come off as being too needy. When you can’t separate couples’ time from ‘me' time, there is a problem.

When your relationship with your guy is all that occupies your life, it is only a matter of time before he either takes advantage of you or gets tired of how available you are. 

2. You feel guilty for setting necessary boundaries

you feel guilty for setting necessary boundaries

Every relationship requires boundaries, no matter how good it is. Boundaries help keep the relationship respectful. Likewise, respect increases the longevity of the relationship. 

However, when you’re trying to set boundaries for situations you’re not comfortable with but end up feeling guilty, it means it has become an unhealthy habit. You probably should have set up such boundaries from the beginning, but you were trying to please him. Now, it’s become impossible to set those boundaries and still keep your relationship intact.

3. You always have the insane desire to be perfect

Hey, your boyfriend isn’t perfect even if you are blinded to his faults. No one is perfect, so you’re not expected to be. So, ditch that crazy thought of you having the perfect hairdo, speech, or acts.

Stop trying to please this equally imperfect person all the time. You’re human and allowed to make mistakes many times, even in your love life.

4. You feel under pressure when you want to do something for him

As much as you respect your guy and put him on a pedestal, you shouldn’t do it to the extent of raising your blood pressure every time you want to do something nice for him. 

For example, you want to give him a surprise birthday celebration, if you start feeling like you’re organizing a nationwide project, it could mean you have been so available that you don’t want to fail him. That is never a good sign for your relationship. 

5. You’re anxious that he will punish you for disappointing him

To feel this way is not only ridiculous but downright pitiful. You’re a grownup with the ability to win and lose sometimes. If you let yourself feel anxious about not doing something right, you might as well be a child. 

If you fear that your boyfriend will punish you with silence or a breakup whenever there is a problem, you have put yourself in a sorry situation.

6. You get sick when he quarrels with you

Lovesickness is a thing, but when you’re constantly falling ill because of simple disagreements with your partner, it is a sign that you’ve put in too much emotionally and physically. 

Love shouldn’t erase the power of individuality and each person’s ability to stand for what they believe in without crumbling. 

7. You willingly bow to all his opinions and decisions

A relationship that thrives on only one party’s decisions will not last long and, even if it does, it won’t be because of love but fear

If you are always willing to bend to your lover’s wishes without giving your personal opinion, then such a relationship is unhealthy.

8. You need him to validate everything you do

Not only does he make the decisions for everything in your relationship, but you also feel the need to get his validation for almost all that you do. It can be scary to discover that you need him to approve the kind of soap you use. How crazy is that? 

You cannot do anything without his permission, or he'll be mad at you. That is not a good way to live or love.

9. He talks to you anyhow, and you take it lying down

He doesn’t seem to respect you, but you don’t mind all that much. He says anything he wants to you, and you don’t reject or give him a taste of his poison. 

He subtly calls you names you wouldn’t like anyone else to call you, but you make excuses for him. Dear sister, you’re way too available to him than is normal.

10. It appears you’re more interested in him than he is in you

If you are the only one always talking about dreams and aspirations, the future and what it holds, but he doesn’t do the same, it may be time to walk away. You need to learn how to be less available to him by telling him less because he doesn’t care.

11. You do all the heavy work alone

When it comes to responsibilities and you’re the only one carrying the weight because he is always too busy with something more important, then that’s a sign too.

A relationship is between two people who should share responsibility equally. If your man is not pulling his own end of the weight, you need to stop being too available. 

12. He cheats on you and still demoralizes you

For one thing, he is a cheater and that’s enough to kick him out of your life. When he also makes you feel less of yourself by justifying his infidelity, that’s when you should know you’ve really tolerated his excesses. Your availability could be responsible for his continuous bad behavior, you shouldn’t allow any man to take away your self-respect because of love.

13. You are always apologizing for things you didn’t do

you are always apologizing for things you didn't do

While this happens once in a while in every relationship, it becomes manipulative when one party is always apologizing for the other person’s wrong. One sign of being too available is always saying sorry for your boyfriend’s faults just to make him happy.

14. He loves having sex with you but doesn’t spend quality time with you

If your man is always eager to have sex with you but gives excuses when it’s time to just talk, you have to stop being available to him. Deny him sex for once and insist on having a serious conversation, you’ll see how angry that will get him.

15. He pays attention to other people

A huge red flag is when your guy usually wants to spend more time with other people than he does with you, even when it’s obvious you’re always around him.

He’s there with you physically but his attention is on his friends or other acquaintances. He even pays more attention to sports than he does to what you have to say. 

FAQs 

How do I stop being too available?

You can stop being too available by knowing your worth, and always speaking your mind without fear. If this person respects you, he will respect your opinions as well. You should also study the person you’re with to see if he is worth doing all these things for in the first place. 

What happens when you make yourself too available?

When you make yourself too available to people they take you for granted by using your weaknesses against you. Such people will also misuse your strength in a way that drains you because they know you don’t mind tending to their every whim.

Is it bad to always be available?

In a way, yes. When you’re always available to people, they get too lazy to do things on their own because they are aware of your willingness to always help. People like to outsource their responsibilities to others while they enjoy the benefits. 

Is it bad to be too available in a relationship?

Every relationship should involve giving and taking, but, when a partner is giving more than they receive from the other person, there is no balance. Soon enough, the relationship will end because the person who deals with everything will eventually burn out. So, yes, it is bad to be too available in a relationship

How do I stop being so lazy?

Discover something purposeful and invest your passion in it. Have a hobby that will energize you and make you relax. Be interested in doing something good for other people rather than satisfying yourself all the time. You can also have someone you’re accountable to so you don’t go back to being lazy. Also, don’t make it a habit to shift responsibilities to others, take responsibility for the things in your life, and make it a point of duty to tick off at least two achievements a day.

In Conclusion 

Doing good for people, especially the ones you love is beautiful. However, when you make yourself too available, things can turn ugly quickly. You will become unhappy because you want to make them happy but that's no way to live. 

Do leave a comment if this article has helped you know the difference between being available and being too available. Plus, you can share it as well, it may help someone else.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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