11 Steps To Successfully Deal With Being Deceived By Someone You Love

by April Maccario

Whether you think somebody you love is deceiving you or you’ve actually found information that proves deceit is happening, you’ll most likely be experiencing a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and your mind will be running a thousand miles an hour. 

In this situation, you’ll probably feel emotions of anger, frustration, and sadness, but above all, you’ll probably be racking your brain trying to answer, “what should I do?”.

This article is here to be a helping hand - we’re going to share an 11-step solution on how to deal with it when somebody you care for deceives you. Let’s jump straight in so that you know exactly what you have to do!

How To Deal With Someone Who Deceived You

1. Find out how this person has been deceiving you

find out how this person has been deceiving you

Obviously, if you already know how this person has been deceiving you then you’re one step ahead of this one! However, if you just have a feeling that your loved one is deceiving you, one of the most important things for you to do is figure out how this person is doing that. Deceit comes in many forms and can range from minor to major incidents. 

The most common type of deceit in romantic relationships is having an affair, and although this could be the reason for the pit in your stomach, you shouldn’t jump to this conclusion - the deceit could lie elsewhere in your relationship.

2. Be certain of the deceit before you do anything

When you think somebody is deceiving you, you might want to march right up to your partner and tell them exactly how they’ve made you feel, but you first need to be absolutely certain that deceit is what’s happening. If you accuse your partner of deceiving you without actual proof they will not only have the ability to deny it, but they actually might not be deceiving you, after all, meaning that you’ll cause problems that actually don’t exist.

3. Try to work out the root of the problem

Although there’s absolutely no excuse for deceit in a relationship, you might find it useful to try and figure out the root of the problem as it could explain why this deceit happened. This is especially important if the deceit is only a minor issue to you and you want to work through everything with your partner because when you speak with them you can say that you’ve really thought about the problem. 

4. Decide whether you want to leave or work through it (before you speak to your partner)

Before you even hear the reason for deceit from your partner’s mouth, it’s important that you figure out if you want to stay in the relationship and work through the issues present or whether you want to leave. It’s important to decide this by yourself before speaking to your partner because if you don’t, your mind could be easily changed during the conversation. 

5. Communicate with your partner

Once you have your evidence, you’ve thought about the issue and you’ve decided what your plan of action is, it’s time to actually confront your partner. You should confront them somewhere you both feel safe and able to talk openly, and you should try your best to keep the conversation honest and calm, even though this may be hard if you’re feeling particularly upset about what’s going on. You might not hear the reason for your partner’s deceit, but it’s a useful way to find closure.

6. Leave, or get professional help to work through the issues

Once you’ve spoken about your partner’s deceit, it’s to take action and either leave or stay and work through the relationship issues with your partner. If you do choose to stay, you should seek professional help from a therapist or relationship counselor, especially if you have children because you don’t want it to affect their family life.

7. Seek professional help by yourself

Whether you choose to stay or leave, you might want to consider seeking the professional help of a therapist or counselor. It’s a horrible feeling knowing that somebody that you trust chose to deceive you, and it can make some people feel troubled for a long period of time after the incident. 

8. Forgive yourself

For a long time after you find out about the deceit, you might hold yourself accountable for not realizing what was going on, or you might even blame yourself for not being good enough in the relationship. You need to understand that none of this was your doing and ultimately you have to forgive yourself.

9. Practice self-care

practice self care

You’ll be feeling pretty low after dealing with deceit, so you need to show yourself more self-care than ever before. Treat yourself how you would treat a friend going through the same thing.

10. Seek support from loved ones

No one is going to be there for you more than your family and friends are, so make sure that you seek support from them and you lean on them. Whether that means hanging out with your best friends every night or calling your mom up and explaining what happened to her, it doesn’t matter, just make sure that you seek support from the people around you.

11. Don’t let it hold you back in the future

If you have decided to leave the relationship and head out as a single lady, make sure that you don’t let what happened in this relationship hold you back from future relationships. Go forward into the dating world and just remember, there are so many people and potential partners out there who will never deceive you.

FAQs

What does it mean if someone is deceived?

If somebody deceives you, they are hiding something from you, tricking you, or lying to you. People choose to be deceitful, it’s not just a little fib or a white lie - it’s purposeful trickery. This is what makes it so hurtful when partners deceive their other half.

What causes a person to be deceitful?

People are deceitful in relationships for a number of reasons, it really depends on the type of person they are and the past experiences they have. For example, somebody might be deceitful if they’ve made a habit of it over time, if they lie to themselves to deal with the kind of person they are, or if they have actually been lied to by somebody else in the past.

How do you deal with deception in a relationship?

It really depends on the kind of deception that’s present in the relationship and how severe it is in relation to your personal boundaries. For example, if your partner has been having an affair then you should either leave them or have them commit to seeing a therapist together. However, if your partner has been lying to you about something like quitting smoking, obviously you’ll probably stay with them and make an effort to have them open up to you.

Can someone lie about loving you?

Partners may lie about being in love with you, but it’s a lot of effort to deceive somebody this much, so unless they have a really obvious reason to benefit from lying, it’s not worth it. If you think somebody is lying about it with you, you should observe their body language. Body language never lies, so if they love you or they’re lying, it should show. 

How do you get the truth out of a liar?

First things first, you need to accept that you may never get the full truth from a liar, even when you think they’re being honest. However, if you’re trying to get the truth out of somebody, you should find proof first and present it to them when you talk to them because this way they can’t deny it and they will assume that you know already, so will be more likely to give you the real details. 

To Conclude

After reading this article you will hopefully be more clued up on how to deal with people being deceitful towards you, especially if it's your partner. It’s a really awful feeling knowing somebody is deceiving you, but you will get through it as long as you are strong. Remember, there are honest, trustworthy people out there just waiting to meet you, so don’t let a liar hold you back.

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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