Am I Bad at Sex? (11 New Things You Can Try)

by April Maccario

Better Health explains that sex is an important part of life that just can’t be ignored. It’s a crucial element in the survival of our species and is actually a motivating factor for many of our decisions. No one enjoys having sex with a person they aren’t connected to. So, what are you to do if you don’t feel like your sex life is up to par?

Are you wondering, “Am I bad at sex?” Even worse, has someone said you are bad in bed? 

If you are pondering questions like these, you may feel self-conscious and frustrated. You may even be worried if you can’t give your partner good sex, he or she is going to find it somewhere else. These are normal concerns and feelings that everyone thinks about. 

The best thing you can do if you feel this way is to learn what your partner likes in bed, discover new ways to please him or her, and learn what good sex is all about.

This article will look at the signs you may be bad at sex, how to communicate with your lover, and plenty of new suggestions you can try out to broaden your sexual horizon!

Are You Bad At Sex?

are you bad at sex

Unless someone has flat out said you are not good at sex, you really are just making an assumption if you think you need help. You may actually be a pro and just don’t know it. Don’t give yourself a hard time if you don’t know for sure. Let’s discuss a few clues that you might need help in the bedroom, though, to see if your worries are warranted.

Have you found that your lover leaves your company as soon as it’s over? That might be a sign that he wasn’t as satisfied as he hoped, but it could also mean that he was just really fond of what happened and needs to leave for another reason. Maybe he needs to return to the office or get home to his pets or kids. He may have just run out of time to be more intimate with you.

If you find no enjoyment in making love with your partner, you could have trouble in the bedroom. It’s really hard for a guy to climax if he sees that you aren’t enjoying the experience at all. If you aren’t in the mood but are going to do it anyway, you could make it more enjoyable by faking enthusiasm. Moan and scratch his back; be interactive so that he doesn’t feel so alone.

How to Communicate Your Sexual Concerns 

If you don’t feel as though your sexual experiences are going well, talk to your partner. Be open about your concerns and make suggestions on how he could approach sex in a better way. For example, if you love being kissed on the neck, tell him that when he does that, you’ll know he’s in the mood, and you’ll quickly get in the mood, too. 

Don’t know how to start a conversation like this? Consider approaching him outside of the bedroom. Find a time when the two of you are alone and simply say that you want to talk about how sex could be better by doing this and that. You could say, “Hey, I was wondering if you had a couple of minutes to talk about sex?” He’ll probably be more than happy to listen to you.

He’ll anxiously want to hear what you have to say so that he, too, could voice his worries or even suggestions he has been carrying around, not knowing how to bring it up to you. Be honest and open, and he’ll really appreciate it. Most guys want to make their girls happy even if that means learning new techniques or tricks in the bedroom!

11 New Things You Can Try in Bed

Sometimes, you just have to try something you have never done before to keep the sparks flying. You may have been giving out the wrong signals or have had trouble performing a sex act that your partner wants to do. If you want to spice up your relationship in bed and no longer feel as though you are bad in bed, try one of these suggestions to find success in the bedroom!

1. Make the first move

make the first move

If you are a girl, it may not come naturally for you to instigate things when you are both ready to have sex. Traditional males do usually make the first move, but you can surprise your man by showing him you are capable of showing sexual desire through your actions. 

Not sure how to begin? Find his “sweet spots” and go to town! For example, you may want to try giving him some serious kisses or tongue action on his neck. Give him the signals that you are in the mood for sex so that he knows you have the capability to initiate lovemaking. 

2. Tell him what feels good (and what doesn’t)

Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so you need to indicate what you love and what you could do without. If he starts sucking on your toes and you go from being mega turned on to grossed out, clearly you don’t like that! But he doesn’t know that! You have to communicate what’s working for you and what’s turning you off. 

3. Ask for what you want

Along the same lines as the last point, you should speak up. Again, your partner can’t read your mind, so you need to explain what is going on in your head. Do you like dirty talk or a little bit of spanking? Speak up! Talk about what does it for you and what you want to try that you never have before but have always wanted to!

4. Stay confident

Confidence is everything, and you need to let your partner know that you feel sure of your abilities even if you don’t feel that way. This kind of goes along with the saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” If you act confident, your sexiness will shine, and that will turn him on. 

If you feel like you are bad in bed, try talking to your partner to discover what kind of stuff he’s done in the past that he has enjoyed and would like to try again. Sometimes, a talk like this is best done outside of the bedroom. This way, you can talk one on one about your fantasies, experiences, and desires. 

5. Watch his body language

If you are having sex and you notice that the other person is cringing, he probably is not enjoying what you are doing. Don’t get so lost in the moment that you don’t notice the cues given by the behavior of the other person. Keep your eyes and ears open to what he may or may not be loving!

6. Take your time

take your time

Seriously, what’s the rush? You can spend hours making love with someone; you just need to invest in stamina. Sometimes, the hottest sex takes hours because you just don’t want it to stop! To last longer, try holding off on having an orgasm as long as you can. This will lengthen the amount of time you can spend together having sex.

7. Make sure your partner climaxes

I’ve actually known guys who have left the bedroom with a flimsy excuse like, “Sorry about that.” They say this as if it’s okay that they climaxed, and I didn’t. In my opinion, it isn’t over until both parties have had their cookies. Don’t be a selfish lover; instead, be one who cares about the other person and what they wanted out of the experience!

8. Wear something sexy

Don’t head to the bedroom with someone wearing bum clothes like sweats and a t-shirt unless you look oh so hot in it. Avoid wearing a shower cap and curlers in your hair; that’s really not an effective way to have sex and turn a guy on. Instead, invest in some sexy lingerie, doll your face up, and fix your hair like a supermodel. 

9. Have an orgasm

One of the best ways to turn a guy on is to have a real orgasm yourself. Just the sounds and movements you make as you go through ecstasy can make a guy go wild! Enjoy making love with your man and show him your enjoyment through the way your body reacts to his. This will show him that he’s done something right! Men love this!

10. Focus on quality over quantity

Some people measure their sexual abilities by the number of times they do it in a day. You’ve heard people brag about how many times they make love in a day. Who cares about that? Instead, focus on the ways you can make your lovemaking last longer so that the two of you can enjoy intimacy for longer amounts of time. 

11. Experiment

experiment

Are there things you have tried in the bedroom? For many people, trying new sex acts is scary and uncomfortable, but how will you know if you like it if you’ve never tried it? Men love oral sex and turning their women on; if you’ve never done that, you should give it a try. This will show your man that you can be experimental. 

Once he knows this, he may reveal more sexual actions he’s always wanted you to do to him or that he’s just wanted to try. Ask him questions to find out what he dreams about and what he could do without. You may discover you’ve been doing unpleasant acts that aren’t even working! Don’t waste your time with stuff like that; find out what he wants!

To Sum Things Up...

Remember these tips when having sex the next time around. Be confident in who you are and try something new. You’ll find great success that way.

What are your struggles? Do you think you’re bad at sex? Please share this post and comment! I’d love to hear from you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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